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| Resonating With Others |
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Q: Sometimes I am very sensitive to other people’s energies. Although I try to let people’s emotions bounce off me like a rubber ball, sometimes I still feel their sadness or anger very strongly, and I wonder how much I can take around certain people. However, I realize that these emotions are not really directed at me, but are simply the result of what’s going on in that person’s life. I always try to remain calm and positive, but it is not always easy. How do I manage my sensitivity to others energies?
A: We all have a natural capacity for resonance, so it is natural to be affected by others’ emotions. But it doesn't mean this has to be automatic or inevitable. You really need to manage your attention, rather than your sensitivity. What you sense is what you pay attention to. You can re-direct your attention to some other object instead of resonating with and being affected by others’ unwanted negative emotions. You can’t hold attention totally within yourself because proper management of your life requires interaction with people and effective handling of difficult situations. However, you don't need to let your whole attention follow a given stimulation, whether it be someone’s emotional state or some other difficulty. A good rule of thumb is to distribute your attention in a balanced way, focusing 30% within yourself and 70% on the outside world. You cannot measure the distribution exactly, but being aware of this concept will help. It is like keeping your dog on a leash while you are walking him or her. You can allow the dog to follow his or her own whims in some cases, and you can pull back on the leash at other times. This is the best thing for both you and your dog, and likewise it is the best way to handle your own attention to the energies around you. Learn to recognize what energies are healthy to follow and which are not. One of the most effective practices is feeling your body. Try feeling your body through internal sensory awareness, without touching it with your hands. If you can do this, it is a solid indicator that you are holding your own leash. Practicing this will enable you to consciously direct your attention to the objects you want to focus on, instead of being influenced by unwanted energy around you. Finally, I would like to add that you should always take responsibility for any emotion you feel inside, no matter where you think it came from. Unless you acknowledge your full ownership and responsibility for your emotions, you cannot have power over them. Remind yourself, “Whatever is within me is mine.” You will experience the power of this statement when you really accept it fully. Ilchi Lee |